My First OB Appointment

I had my first appointment with my doctor this week. My OB/GYN is actually my good friend, Heather. It's been so amazing to walk through this process with a Godly woman and someone who I know really cares about me and my desire for children. She was so excited when I told her I was pregnant.

She checked my HCG and progesterone levels and everything was completely normal! I honestly have to say I am relieved to know that things are progressing well. With my last pregnancy, things just didn't add up. Because of my PCOS (and since I wasn't on Clomid) there was no way to know when I did ovulate. So we went by the hormone levels. And the levels did not match the timeframe. I just felt like something was wrong from the get go. Although I trusted the Lord and His ability to preserve the life growing inside of me, I was concerned.

This time, Heather looked at me and said, "I'm not even worried this time. Last time I have to admit I was a little concerned. But I just feel like everything is right this time." This gave me so much peace.

In reality, there is no guarantee that this is it for us. Mostly because I still do not know what the Lord will require of me and Dave on this journey. But I have to say, I do have such a feeling of joy and peace that we will hold this baby in our arms.

January 2008. I know it will be worth the wait.

A New Kind of Trust

Well, here we are again. The close of another 2WW. I was going to write a few days ago on Mother's Day but I've been cooped up with an injured back so I've been a little out of sorts.

Mother's Day was a little hard. But a few sweet friends called to say "Happy Mother's Day in faith." You have no idea how much that means. Those simple words, spoken out of love and in kindred faith turned a day that could have been so hard into a day full of hope.

This week in our daily reading, we read that verse in Psalms. The one I've mentioned before. . ."He places the barren woman in her home as the happy mother of children." (Psalm 113:9). And as the Lord's timing would have it, the day that we read that verse was the day I was to start my period. I read that verse and I meditated on it. I set my heart on it in full belief that it was a promise for me. And there was peace.

Later on that day, I took a pregnancy test. And it was positive. I AM PREGNANT! Praise the Lord. I give Him all the glory and honor for creating life in me. I couldn't wait for Dave to get home to show him the test. After we had the miscarraige last October, one of the things he said to me with tear filled eyes was, "I think next time I'll be more excited. I get it now." It's not that he wasn't excited the last time we conceived. He's just more reserved with his emotions. But losing that child opened up his heart to what God was doing. It was so sweet when I showed him the test. He WAS more excited. And it was like added fuel to the joy in my heart. I am pregnant!

And so I move on to a new kind of trust. One that puts this baby in the hands of the Lord. I have found myself battling fear that we'll miscarry again - even begging the Lord every day that He'd let us keep this child. But the Lord is saying, "Forget the former things. See I am doing a new thing." (Isaiah) It's a new kind of trust. One that will take us to an even deeper place in Him.

After all, isn't that what this journey is all about?

The Favor of the Lord

This has been a pretty tough week at work. Have you ever noticed that experiencing tough things say. . .at work, sheds light on the fact that, for instance you are not yet pregnant and thus still have to work at your really challenging job?!? Every time I experience something hard in my job, I am painfully reminded that I have to continue pressing through until I am released to transition to my next assignment - motherhood. What a constant, horrible reminder that it's not my turn to be a mom.

OK, that was my weary heart talking. . .and now for the truth. I am one week into this month's 2WW so it's about time for some God-truth to lead me through to this month's answer.

This week I read in Psalm 102 and many of the verses were so powerful to me.

"Listen to my prayer, O Lord; let my cry for help come to you. Do not hide your face from me when I am in distress. Turn your ear to me; when I call answer me quickly. . .You will arise and have compassion on Zion, for it is time to show favor to her; the appointed time has come. . .Let this be written for a future generation, that a people not yet created may praise the Lord. . .The children of your servants will live in your presence; their descendants will be established before you."

When I read this, I just felt the favor of the Lord all over me. Now, I don't yet know if this means THIS is the time. I know the time is coming if it is not yet here. I know it's near. And reading these words only confirmed that in my heart. I will receive the favor of the Lord and I will confess that THIS is the appointed time. It is time for us to have children. However, because I love the Lord and I love His ways, I am content to wait on Him to complete His work in His perfect timing.

I will carry this confession with me all the way through this next week. . .and beyond. Just like last month, I continue to lay my request before the Lord and wait for His answer.

Springtime Joy

I just love the spring. It's so beautiful and full of color. Everything is peering out from behind the veil of winter. This year in particular, our spring here in middle Tennessee was a bit off. Very early on in February we had warm days that produced growth and budding all around us. Although it was not common to welcome the spring this early, we didn't mind. I think we were ready for the sun and its comfort. Then, a few weeks later, a cold snap hit us and all of the growth and the budding died. It was as if spring had cowered back into hiding.

A few weeks ago, as we continued to experience the cold while anxiously awaiting the fullness of spring, our worship leader at church spoke something very powerful in our service. She encouraged those of us that have been waiting for new life and growth to take heart. Winter may have lingered but that is because there is a deeper work being done to make way for the new life that awaits. She assured us that spring is coming and with it new life. As we wait, we need to allow the work to be done.

I know that our Father knew very well what He was doing when He planned the seasons. He orchestrated such a beautiful picture of how He works in our lives through each stage of the year. The life that comes forth in the spring. . .the nourishment and flourishing that takes place over the summer. . .the shedding and pruning of the fall. . .and the dormancy and death of winter that makes way for it all to happen over and over again.

This week has given some of the most beautiful days I've seen in a long time. Spring is officially upon us and I am expectant.