Another Pic

Got another picture of her the other day. Just got it scanned in. Isn't she getting big?

I'm a little concerned about her profile. I told Dave she looks like a Fraggle. Remember them? I always thought I looked like a Fraggle with my profile. Oh well, I suppose she looks like me then.

I'm pretty sure Dave and I will both think she's perfect once we see her.

Loud Speaker Lullabies

The appointment went well on Friday. So sorry I didn't post sooner. I didn't get online all weekend. It was pretty busy.

Thursday night we had another childbirth education class at the hospital. We watched the epidural video and let me just tell you. . .that video was scarier than the natural birth video! I think it almost talked me out of getting the drugs!

As we were sitting in class on Thursday night, all of a sudden, over the loud speaker you could hear the song "lullaby" playing. We all stopped and wondered what it was when our instructor said, "Oh, a baby has just been born." It hadn't happened yet while we were in class. I didn't even know the hospital did this, but apparently every time a baby is born, they play that little song for the whole hospital to hear. A few minutes later, it happened again. Busy night.

It wasn't until that very moment that I remembered that Thursday, January 24th was my due date with our last baby. I was sad for just a moment and I turned to Dave and said, "Oh, wow. I didn't remember until just now, this was my due date." He didn't remember either. I didn't stay sad, however it was weird to think I could have had a baby this week. Although I would have loved to know that little girl, it's hard to be sad when you've come to terms with the soveriegnty of God and when you are in the midst of a miracle that He is completing.

I suppose I felt the reality of redemption as I sat there and thought about it briefly. He chose to take our first little girl to heaven, and although this is something we may never fully understand, in His great mercy and grace, He chose to bless us with another little girl that we declare we will get to know and love on this earth.

I'm in the midst of that part of the season where 4 months to go seems so long yet perhaps not long enough to fully prepare for this life change. There's so much to do and get ready for both physically and mentally. But part of me just can't wait to have her here, with us.

Right now I am praying for patience and peace and wisdom and grace as I wait for that miracle moment when our baby's life will bring loud-speaker lullabies.

That Little Flutter

I haven't written that much in a while. It's been a little crazy. We're just busy, busy. I know I need to slow down a bit but things just keep coming up. My mother is reading this right now and she'll probably call me later to say, "You need to slow down. You need to be home, resting." I know mom, I know. I'll get there!

We have another appointment tomorrow. This ultrasound will hopefully allow us to see those things we couldn't see last time. Let's just pray our little girl is cooperative this time! She's been moving around so much lately, it's no wonder she often finds herself in a cockeyed position.

It is an odd feeling . . . feeling her move so much, knowing there is a little person getting bigger and bigger inside of me. I think it's one of my favorite things about being pregnant. There are so many things I don't like. I don't mean to complain, after all, I wanted this so badly for so long. But it's been hard. My body just feels worn and achy all the time. And then when I feel her little flutter, it makes it all worth it. I'm pretty sure I'll forget all the discomforts once she's here and I get to hold her close.

We continue to believe for perfect growth and development. I'll let you know how it goes.

My Friend Amber

This past weekend, my longtime friend, Amber came to visit. She is going to have her first child, a little boy, in about 7 weeks.

Amber and I went to college together, lived together, went through heartbreaks together and have eaten a lot of popcorn and M&Ms together! She is one of those friends that you know you'll have for life. . .and you always feel better being around her.

Dave and I asked Amber how she was feeling, knowing that her little boy was coming in the next 2 months. I wasn't surprised by her honesty, when she began to share that her biggest concern was that it would be too hard to adjust to having another person to take care of. She explained that she's enjoyed life with her husband. . .just the two of them. Although it would be wonderful, she is afaid that she'll be too selfish.

As I thought through what she was sharing, I thought to myself Wow, I've been so consumed with getting pregnant and staying pregnant that I haven't thought that much about having a child in my life. I suppose I figured this road has been so long and I've wanted it so badly that it would be a no brainer to give my life up for this little one. But hearing Amber share her heart really made me stop and consider if I was ready for this part of the process. I have a little bit longer to go but I want to begin preparing myself now.

I was so thankful for Amber's honesty. I'm not worried at all about her being an amazing mom. Amber is one of the most caring, nurturing, loving people I know. I have no doubt in my mind that she'll immediately fall in love with that little guy and be willing to give anything for him.

This was a good reminder for me. . .that sometimes we want things so badly that we don't think about the reality of having them. I know my heart is to devote myself to being a good mother but that doesn't mean it will be easy. But by the grace of God I know that Amber and I will be just as good of mothers as we have been friends to one another. . .not perfect, but willing to do what it takes to get better every step of the way.

A New Snapshot

We were able to get a little better picture of our girl so I thought I'd go ahead and post it. It's just amazing to be able to see her so often inside my womb. . .watching her grow already. Just knowing all the intricate details that the Lord is fashioning makes it that much easier to walk in faith. How can you not believe as you watch this process?

She's Trouble. . .

We had a great appointment today. Praise the Lord! It seems though, that our little girl is going to be trouble! She was completely in the wrong position, rolled up in a ball with her legs crossed. Three strikes against her in the area of cooperation.

She made it hard for the tech to see everything but at the end of the visit we received a perfect report. I'll have to return in three weeks to double check a few areas they could not get to, but all looks well.

Of course, with her legs crossed, it was hard at first to confirm that she is, in fact, a girl. I think Dave got a little nervous about that. He just wanted the confirmation before I make him paint the nursery. Once again at the very end, our tech was able to see clearly and confirm - it's a girl!

We were able to see her head quite well and even got to experience her yawning, drinking and working through a little case of the hiccups. It was so cute to see her functioning like that. I didn't really get a good picture to post. But we did get some video. Once I figure all that out, I'll try and post some here.

Thank you all for your prayers. We get more and more excited with each passing week and visit. She is becoming so real to us now. I just can't wait to know her.

Our Big Appointment

So tomorrow we go in for our big ultrasound. This is the one where they would have told us if we were having a boy or a girl. . .I suppose they'll confirm that. I pray there are no surprises there. . .we received a lot of girlie things for Christmas!

I'm told they will also check her growth and organs to make sure everything looks normal. Honestly, I am battling a little fear, although I've been purposing to fight it at every chance. . .proclaiming life over this child. I've just been surrounded lately by so many people in my sphere of influence experiencing pregnancy loss and complications. But I know I cannot look at anyone else's story. This is our story. I've asked the Lord with my honest heart for a completely normal report tomorrow. I feel like we've had many complications to deal with, and that at this point, we are due for a break. I know that isn't how He works. . .and I know that no matter what the report is tomorrow we will continue to contend and believe for our little girl to be born perfect. But it doesn't hurt to lay our petition before the Lord to allow us to have great breakthrough through the knowledge of a perfect baby growing inside me.

Please pray with us. For her heart and her lungs and her kidneys. . .that all would be the right size, functioning normally. And for her brain and her head. . .that there would be no abnormal growths or cysts or water. Please pray for the placenta and amniotic fluid. . .that both would be sufficient for her well being and mine. We just pray in Jesus name that she is thriving in my womb. . .receiving everything she needs for a healthy life on this earth.

I suppose a bit of my anxiety comes from what I am having to walk with my diet. People keep asking me if I've lost weight. Ha! What a joke. You want all your life to lose weight and then when you are pregnant and needing to provide nourishment for another life, you finally start to lose the pounds. Well, I haven't actually lost any weight. Although I've only gained one pound and I'm almost 19 weeks pregnant. My doctor assures me this is fine and the baby is getting what she needs. I just need to rest in that. And hey. . .who am I to complain. I might just be skinnier after she is born then before. Wouldn't that be a hoot?!

I don't know if I could ever explain the battle that rages inside me each time the days and the hours creep by, nearing another doctor's appointment. I know this is because of the horror that has met us there before. But as each appointment comes and goes, I am growing in my faith and my trust and although there is a battle, it is more easliy won. I know that is part of the purpose of this whole journey. . .learning to walk more deeply with Him. It doesn't mean the battle will disappear, it just means we'll learn that the battle is the Lord's.