Remembering Baby George

I was going to do a post today with an update on Hope. I would have told you that things are progressing along nicely and that I'm even 1 cm dilated already as of my appointment last Friday. Then I would have expressed how relieved I am that my body is getting ready to have this baby so that I won't start from zero when I go in to be induced on May 23rd. Well, there you have it. I guess I just gave you the update. And that will have to do because my triumph just doesn't seem too important at the moment.

It's seems odd to use the word "remembering" when I am talking about someone I've never met. I've never even met his parents or any family member closely associated with them. But the burden that I've carried for the past few weeks makes me feel like I know them and although I could never imagine to understand the depth of their pain, as I consider what they've been through I am full of deep, deep agony over what they must be experiencing.

Baby George went to be with Jesus this morning and I can't stop asking God, "why?" I keep chanting over and over, "I don't understand You Lord, but I trust You." I'm not sure my heart fully believes that today. Maybe tomorrow. And although I don't want to make their tragedy about me at all, I can't stop wondering why I would deserve my miracle and they not deserve theirs. It just doesn't make any sense to me. I realize that I've not yet held Caroline Hope in my arms and I'm trying not to allow fear to rise up within me due to that fact - but if I am to hope for her safe arrival then how can I not ask this question? How can I not wonder why He chooses some miracles to come to fulfillment and some to come just close enough to the brink to make you go mad?

I suppose what I love most about the Lord is that He allows us to go through these rants and raves of questioning when in the midst of loss. Gosh, if I'm going through this now, I can't imagine what Baby George's parents must be feeling. From what I understand, they are a God-loving couple who has trusted Him thus far. I don't think they would stop now. But I beg for your continued prayers to cover this sweet couple as they grieve their loss and as they process their own set of questions. I pray they come out on the other side able to give glory to God for His goodness despite their inability to comprehend it.

For me, this is just another reminder that Hope's life is not in my hands. I think I said this before regarding the baby girl that we lost - the destiny of this child was ordained far before she was conceived or even thought of being conceived. No matter how much I want to control things, I can't really compete with that.

Prayer for Baby George

It's been quite a heavy week. As we rapidly approach the arrival of our little blessing, I feel we are being reminded constantly of the sovereignty of the Lord and what a precious gift life is.

Today I ask that you would join me in praying for baby George. He was born on Friday after some serious complications with no heartbeat. They were able to resuscitate him and get him to another hospital where he could receive critical care, but it seems it will take a miracle for this little boy to live. I think what is hurting my heart the most is that it was nothing short of a miracle that he was conceived at all. Doctors told his parents that they would never have a baby unless God intervened. He did and baby George was conceived about 9 months ago.

This weekend my heart has been very heavy for baby George and his parents. So much so that I found myself going to bed on Saturday and waking up on Sunday begging the Lord for his life. As I sat in worship on Sunday morning, I offered my praise mixed in with a little bit of "please God, must you require this tragedy for Your glory?" I suppose sitting there and singing about His glory made me hope it was possible for Him to receive it without taking this life.

I don't know George's parents but from what I understand, they will likely allow their story to bring glory to Him whether baby George gets the chance to live on this earth or not. I cannot begin to understand His ways and I know I must yield to His perfect will and trust that He knows what is best. . . but for some reason I cannot stop begging, I cannot stop contending for this little life. I ask you to join with me this week in believing for completely restored health for this baby boy. Pray that his parents would be at peace (however absurd it sounds to have peace during a time like this) and would rest in knowing that He is good and He is faithful.

Prayer for Heidi

I'm not sure why there are streams of tears running down my face this morning. This is not the first time I've heard or read a story about infertility and miscarriage. Perhaps it's the hormones. Everything does seem to be heightened right now.

This morning I am asking you to pray for Heidi. Heidi is the cousin of a dear friend of mine, a girl I have never met. She's experienced multiple miscarriages over the past few years. This past month she became pregnant again but after going in for routine blood work and an early ultrasound, the doctor told her this week that she would miscarry again. They wanted to schedule a D&C that day. Heidi just wasn't ready to let this one go. She was a bit confused by some conflicting reports she received so she asked the doctor to wait one day and check her levels again. Praise the Lord for Holy Spirit wisdom because when Heidi returned the next day, her HCG levels were through the roof. The doctor was stunned and decided to do an ultrasound that afternoon. Lo and behold, there it was. A heartbeat! I am sitting hear weeping even as I write this. I suppose it's because I am so excited that there is life in her womb and I am oh so thankful that this sweet woman had the wisdom to take a step back and listen to the leading of the Lord. The way I see it, she saved the life of her unborn child. What a testimony of His faithfulness.

Now I completely trust medical professionals but I also know they are human people who can sometimes make mistakes. I also know (from lots of experience) that just because the textbooks say pregnancy is supposed to go a certain way, doesn't mean that it will. This was such a reminder to me that we need to be constantly connected to the Holy Spirit to receive wisdom along our journey, no matter what it is we encounter. I am so thankful that the Lord provided me with a doctor who also receives this wisdom from Him. What a gift.

I ask you to pray for Heidi and her husband and their baby. They still have a long way to go on this journey. But I am believing that this life that was saved in her womb will grow to full term and be born healthy and to His glory.

The Babymoon

Well that's what all the books and websites call it. Not sure it has all the same anticipation and emotion as a honeymoon, but it was fun and relaxing nonetheless. Dave and I headed to Atlanta this past weekend to grab one last little getaway before Hope arrives. We had a wonderful time exploring, relaxing, shopping. . .No real agenda, except to visit IKEA and the Rachel Ashwell Shabby Chic store (more on that later).

We had a few sweet moments of sharing about our thoughts on the upcoming arrival of our first child. You know men, it's hard enough to get them to share, let alone when life is about to change dramatically, forever. But Dave opened up a bit about his excitement and fears. I was so glad he did. We laughed a lot in the car because neither of us really knew where we were going most of the time. Dave has a very keen sense of direction but downtown Atlanta is pretty new to both of us. Although we found ourselves lost several times, we laughed because just when we knew we were lost, we stumbled upon the next place we wanted to go. . . without even trying.

Most of all, the weekend made me realize just what a great team we are. Sure, we have our moments. Neither one of us is perfect (I'm sure that's a news flash to all of you). But we have so much fun traveling together because we enjoy similar adventures (I use that word lightly) and activities. Now Dave will never want to shop quite as much as I will on a trip, but that's what makes Atlanta a great destination for us. If you bring IKEA and finding a good deal into the picture, we are both completely in our element.

Now back to the Shabby Chic store. . . how can something so old looking be so expensive? I'm not really sure. I will tell you this - I could have set up house right there in that small space and been happy as a lark the rest of my life. I just love, love, love everything they have in there (except the sea shells-apparently they are really in this season and I'm not sure why). It was great to find ideas and see how they had everything laid out but I won't be making a purchase any time soon. Paying $600 for a duvet cover is just not in my future so I suppose I'll have to get creative.

Hope's Baby Shower!

This past Saturday was Hope's baby shower. I can not begin to tell you how blessed I was by the amazing job my mom and friends did planning such a sweet event! And by all the people who came to bless us. I am overwhelmed at how good the Lord is. He is so faithful to provide everything we need and also wonderful friends and family to share it all with us.

Here are a few pictures. Didn't they do a wonderful job?!

Baby Hope Update

I know it's sad that it takes me 4 days to post an update from my last appointment. We've been rushing to get the nursery ready this weekend so I was up to my eyeballs in paint and what not. Rushing, not so much because it needs to be done for the baby - I do have 8 weeks left. . . rushing more so because it needs to be done for mommy. Partly because I am excited (isn't that normal?) but mostly because the pile of cardboard and styrofoam from the furniture covering the upstairs floor is driving me nuts. I can't stand to look at it another day! So tonight I will return home to a freshly painted room and will watch my husband put together the crib and load in the dresser so that I can clean up the mess that is stressing me out. I'll post some pictures of the room once we get it a little further along.

We received a great report on Friday. We did another ultrasound to check her growth. Everything looks wonderful. She weighs approximately 4.1 lbs. I am extremely happy to have a healthy baby however I must admit, when I do the math according to everything I've heard about how fast they grow in the last 8 weeks, I'm a little nervous that I'm going to have a huge baby on my hands! Wolstenholm babies are known to be on the big side so I'm not completely surprised. That coupled with the diabetes pretty much means I'm out of luck with the thought of having a tiny, little girl. On the other hand, I have heard that their growth can slow down a bit. But I feel weird praying for that.

Seriously though, as long as she's healthy I am happy. Although I just might be begging my doctor for a c-section in a couple of weeks. I guess we'll see.