Sweet Peace

Hope is six weeks today and we're making progress. Last night she slept for 6 1/2 hours straight. Woo hoo! Mommy and Daddy are feeling good today! I've realized that she loves to take long afternoon naps as well so I've been getting about 3 hours to myself every day. It seems that I'm getting to the place where I understand her more and that makes me feel a little more equipt to guide her. . .if that makes any sense.

Thanks for all your prayers. Here's a little picture of what peace looks like!

A Psalm for Hope

I think last night was our worst yet. Worse than those very early days when I was sure she would never sleep. Last night, after three days of great progress and triumph, my sweet girl not only didn't sleep but she cried in pain for hours. Oh her poor little digestive system. She just couldn't settle down. I know most of you are reading this and just laughing - remembering your own nights such as this. Promise me this will pass?!

I keep beating myself up because I don't quite know what to do with her. Work towards a schedule or just comfort her? I suppose I should shoot for somewhere in the middle. I am reminding myself that the level of confusion and craziness that I feel are no indication of my ability as a mother. It's all so knew to me. I very often feel fear rise up within me. I am fighting it as I keep asking the Father for wisdom and grace.

My time in the Word has been a little hit or miss. But this morning I knew I had to dig in. The Lord led me to read Psalm 139, one of my favorites. As I got to verse 13, I heard Him say, "Read it and insert Hope's name." This is what I read and these are the promises I will stand on for my baby girl.

"For You created Hope's inmost being. You knit her together in my womb. I praise you because she is fearfully and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful. I know that full well. Hope's frame was not hidden from You when she was made in the secret place. When she was woven together in the depths of the earth Your eyes saw her unformed body. All the days ordained for Hope were written in Your book, before one of them came to be." Psalm 139:13-16

Each and every day I spend with Hope has been ordained by You Lord. You are not surprised by her discomfort. You know the source of every cry. Please cover me Lord as I gently lead her to a place of peace.

These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things. . .

So I'm taking a break from lamenting about how hard it is to parent a newborn. Most of you that read this blog are mothers so I'm not telling you anything new! Blah, blah, blah. . .this is hard. . .she's getting more fussy. . .harder to predict, etc, etc. You know the drill. I'll just keep praying.

In the meantime, I thought I'd share a few of my favorite new baby items with you. I know I've only been at this about a month, but I already have a "must have" list.

Oxy Clean Spray - my friend Kristy got me this as a gift at my shower. She swore by it and I am echoing her endorsement. Friday morning Hope had the biggest blow out. We're talking green poop all over a brand new outfit my grandma bought her. A few squirts of Oxy Clean spray and a run through the wash and you would never know she pooped so hard it came out the front of the diaper all over her clothes.

Gerber Organic Onesies - I love them! They are true to size so the 0-3 month ones really did fit her at the beginning and they are sooooooo soft! Even after you wash them. A must have staple for every baby's wardrobe.

Bath Sponge - ok I'm not totally sure exactly what it's called. My friends Gwen and Sarah turned me on to this. They said they use this instead of a baby bathtub. But I use both. The bath sponge is yellow and acts like a little cradle the baby can lay in while bathing. I place it in the baby tub so she has something soft to lay on. I know some tubs (mine included) come with a sling, but this is so much better and it holds the water so she feels the warmth on her back. At only $5.99, it's totally worth it. For her first few weeks, I used it on the kitchen counter, on a towel to lay her in while I sponge-bathed her.

Old-fashioned, White, Gausey Burp Cloths - I only have one that I got at a boutique (embroidered). I cannot for the life of me find any cheap, plain ones. Anyone know where to get them? They are really the best type of burp cloth. They make so many kinds. . .flannel, more towel like. But to me, these work the best. I'm on the hunt for more (probably not boutique ones as they are pricey), so let me know if you have any leads. Would you believe with everything they sell at Babies r Us, they have one type of burp cloth there? A pack of pink (or blue) Gerber cotton ones (I bought them and they are fine but not my fave). I used to think the flannel ones from Target were my pick but the more I wash them, the harder they get.

Baby Einstein "Mirror Me" Book - my friend Stephanie got this for me. I use it every day for Hope's floor and tummy time. She really seems to look at the pictures. I'm not sure she gets the mirror yet, but she will. It's a great play-time book for newborns.

Medela Micro Steam Bags - if you are breastfeeding and you don't know about these, you are missing out. I'm not even breastfeeding anymore and I still use them! My friend Amber turned me on to them. Well, not intentionally, I just watched her use them and I decided for myself that I must have them. They come in a box of 5 steam bags. You can use each bag 20 times. So for about $9.99 you get to steam your pump accessories or your bottle nipples or pacifiers 100 times. You just throw everything into the bag, add a little water, pop it in the microwave for 90 seconds and there you go. Everything is steamed! They are so easy to use and it makes me feel great to steam my items once or twice a week. When I was pumping, I steamed the pump parts after every use.

Well, I think that's enough information for one day. I'm sure my list will grow. Feel free to comment back with some of your favorite items. I'm always looking for new tricks! Yesterday at church, I totally felt like the new kid in school while in the "mother's room". I need all the training I can get from those of you that have gone before me. As you can see from my list above, most of my favorites have been recommendations of my friends. Thank you all for that.

P.S. My goal for today is to catch up on my friend's blogs. I feel so out of the loop on their lives, being so consumed with mine and Hope's. So here's to trying to get out there in cyberworld a bit today. Wish me luck!

Laying It Down

Saturday morning was tough. After a hard night on Friday with Hope waking up every 2 hours and basically snack feeding all night, she was a bit out of sorts the next morning. I sat on the stairs in the kitchen and just listened to her cries, fighting back tears myself. I have to be honest and tell you that these weren't normal "mommy tears" because it hurt my heart to hear her (like most of my friends tell me they experienced). No, these were "I can't take it anymore, when will there be order in my life, I'm so overwhelmed" tears. As I sat there, I looked over to my books (baby bibles if you will) and my baby journal sitting on the kitchen table. I wanted so desperately to rip them open once again in search for "the answer." And then I felt the Lord say, "Lay it down. Lay them down. You know the principles they hold. You've studied them. Now let my Holy Spirit guide you. Just lay it all down."

I wasn't sure that it was the Lord I was hearing or just my own fleshly desire to throw in the towel on routine. Dave came and sat down beside me. He held me and told me I was doing a great job, that is was just going to take time. Reluctantly, I verbalized what I had just felt the Lord say. . .and as I did, Hope stopped crying.

She didn't start crying again in 2 minutes (as had been happening all morning). She just drifted off to sleep. Dave and I looked at each other and laughed a bit. Then I said, "I'll take that as a sign." So I packed up my books in a basket on the bookshelf. It's not that I won't ever reference them or pick back up with recording Hope's eating and sleeping and pooping schedule. But for now, the Lord has given me instruction to let it go. . .for my sake and for the sake of our effectively parenting Hope. . .and focus on His leading.

The rest of the day and night were amazing. She followed a 3 hour schedule almost to the minute. She ate well, played well, went to sleep well and Dave and I were able to relax and enjoy a Saturday (in between feedings and poopy diapers).

I'm not naive to think that this will continue every day. But there's progress and that is life to my dry bones! I think I knew deep down in my heart that the process of parenting would be more about what it taught me than what it teaches Hope. But the reality of that is just more shocking to the system than I thought. Praise God for His amazing grace!

And I Thought Making Her Was Hard!

The other night as Dave and I were struggling to make it through one of Hope's meltdowns, I exclaimed to him through tear-filled eyes, "I thought making her was hard. . .having her is so much harder!" I hate even admiting that. I suppose I thought that since I longed for her for so long that I wouldn't mind all of the hardships that come with a newborn. Oh how our flesh is quick to forget what got us to this point. As I processed my feelings a bit more last night (this being a dangerous thing to do during the postpartum period), I couldn't stop crying and I realized that I am so overwhelmed by the reality of her that I'm not enjoying the miracle that she is. I don't want to miss out on these early moments of being able gaze into her sweet eyes and thank the Lord for allowing us to have her. But for some reason, I'm having a really hard time figuring her out and getting into a groove with her. I know, I know. . .she's only 3 weeks old. But I feel it's so important to establish good habits and consistency early on. How can I be consistent when she is so inconsistent?

Dave has been such a support to me and to Hope in these early weeks. He's so wonderful with her and with me. I feel so badly when she is screaming and then I start crying. He's then got two girls with tears on his hands. . .but he responds like a strong man of God every time. Last night he reminded me of my post from October 3, 2007, shortly after we found out we'd conceived again. He read back to me the prayer of declaration I wrote and spoke over my and Hope's life every day of my pregnancy. He encouraged me that this new season is just another step on the journey and that I should cover it again with another prayer of faith. So here it goes. . .

Lord, I declare that You have anointed me to be the mother of Hope. Your Word says that "You are able to make all grace abound to me, so that in all things at all times, having all that I need, I will abound in every good work" (2 Corinthians 9). Today I ask that the Spirit of Wisdom and Peace be on me and in me, providing everything that I need to steward and guide Hope as she adjusts to life on this earth. In Jesus name I declare that I will not let fear or outside advice get in the way of hearing Your voice as I look to You to guide our days. Give me patience and strategy to know just what Hope needs, everyday. I thank You Father for the gift of Hope. May my life and hers bring honor to You. Amen.

So many people told me that this would be the hardest yet most rewarding thing I'll ever do. I now understand exactly what that means.