Goodness. I had no idea I hadn't written in almost 2 weeks! Life has gotten a little crazy this month. And there's still so much to do before the baby comes. Yikes! I'm sure all of us moms-to-be feel the pressure hang over us as we approach our due dates. I'm just trying to take it one thing at a time. And did my mention that my mom lives across the street now? She is a total blessing to me. I don't know how I would make it through this transition without her.
So I went to my first Kids Consignment Sale on Saturday. It was a HUGE one. My sister-in-law took me. It was actually, really fun. A little overwhelming with all of that stuff to pick through. But I ended up finding a few great items. A couple of things from my registry that were in great condition and 1/2 the price! I gotta tell you though. . . there were some serious, "consignment moms" there! These women are second-hand pros! They had their systems down pat, complete with shopping buddies, shopping carts and blankets to spread out on the floor right in the middle of the sale and go over their finds before making their final purchases. It was intense! I could see how someone could get sucked in. Although I don't really like the idea of getting there early and beating the other women to the best deals. I can't take the pressure! I'm sure I'll go again sometime. The most fun part is that you never know what you are going to find. If you keep your expectations low, you'll be so excited to find whatever you do!
Oh, I almost forgot. . . I didn't really share much after our last doctor appointment. One issue that came up was an umbilical hernia that I have. Just a silly, little hernia that is behind my belly button. But now that my belly is getting big, it's also growing. This morning I went in to see a surgeon. He was to tell me if I would need surgery before I had the baby. I wasn't very worried (thus my failure to even post about it) but I was so glad to hear the surgeon tell me he wasn't concerned and I could take care of it after she is born. Praise the Lord! It's one more hurdle we've had to jump over. . . but it means we're one hurdle closer to the finish line. Woo hoo!
I'm winding down my second trimester and I can't believe it's going by so fast. I can't even explain (although I'm sure all of you that are moms understand) just how much I cannot wait to finally see what she looks like and hold her. I'm savoring the quiet and the freedom we have right now. I know it will never be the same!
Monday, February 25, 2008
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Our Song of Hope
I know this is going to sound a little crazy, but in the past week as I've looked ahead to finally having a child, I've become a little sad that our season of sorrow will officially come to a close. I told you it was going to sound crazy. I'm not even sure if I can quite explain it.
Maybe I've held on so tightly to expectation and hope for so long that I'm afraid fulfillment will be a little disappointing or that I won't have something this big to look forward to. I think more accurately, what I am feeling is a little gap between myself and my sweet Jesus that only His blessings can create. What I mean is. . . I believe when you are walking through a valley, you are clinging so tightly to Him that your sorrow seems almost sweet. You feel tired and worn and disappointed yet completely covered by His love and His hope. I think I've mentioned this before. It really is bitter sweet. And not that I have come anywhere close to having arrived, but now I feel like my "lack of need" has placed something in between us. I know the truth is that I will always need to cling to Him for strength and direction. Yet the way I am turning towards Him now seems different and I'm not sure if I'm missing something or if that's just the way it is.
I know that if I lack anything in the way of my closeness to Him, it is no gap that pure praise and adoration won't fill when I honestly throw my hands up and thank Him for this miracle. I suppose that is the natural progression of our walk as we trust Him for things. Our praise turns to hope and then our hope turns to praise. And then somewhere down the line we need a little more hope so we go on praising. . . and so on.
It seems even more fitting now when thinking all of this through that the name we've chosen for our little girl is Caroline Hope. She will wear a banner over her life that means, "Song of Hope" because our path to giving her life was paved by our song of hope and our longing for her is that she will turn and be a sweet song of hope to everyone she encounters on her own journey of life.
Maybe I've held on so tightly to expectation and hope for so long that I'm afraid fulfillment will be a little disappointing or that I won't have something this big to look forward to. I think more accurately, what I am feeling is a little gap between myself and my sweet Jesus that only His blessings can create. What I mean is. . . I believe when you are walking through a valley, you are clinging so tightly to Him that your sorrow seems almost sweet. You feel tired and worn and disappointed yet completely covered by His love and His hope. I think I've mentioned this before. It really is bitter sweet. And not that I have come anywhere close to having arrived, but now I feel like my "lack of need" has placed something in between us. I know the truth is that I will always need to cling to Him for strength and direction. Yet the way I am turning towards Him now seems different and I'm not sure if I'm missing something or if that's just the way it is.
I know that if I lack anything in the way of my closeness to Him, it is no gap that pure praise and adoration won't fill when I honestly throw my hands up and thank Him for this miracle. I suppose that is the natural progression of our walk as we trust Him for things. Our praise turns to hope and then our hope turns to praise. And then somewhere down the line we need a little more hope so we go on praising. . . and so on.
It seems even more fitting now when thinking all of this through that the name we've chosen for our little girl is Caroline Hope. She will wear a banner over her life that means, "Song of Hope" because our path to giving her life was paved by our song of hope and our longing for her is that she will turn and be a sweet song of hope to everyone she encounters on her own journey of life.
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Wacky Dreams!
So I'm known to have really wacky dreams. Just ask my husband. He's ready with hearty laughs every time I wake up and say, "I had the weirdest dream last night." He's never surprised, no matter how crazy it is.
Last night I had two separate dreams about the baby. They weren't completely wacky, just really random. It makes me wonder if this is a result of raging pregnancy hormones or subtle, subconscious concerns about having a child. I'll let you be the judge.
In the first dream, the baby was coming. . .but it was being delivered to us. I am not kidding. In a box, sent to the front door and everything. Apparently, the baby needed some special procedure done to it so they prepared it to be shipped (complete with some sort of adjustment that allowed it to survive in a box, in the mail) and sent it to our home. OK, so maybe the dreams were a little more wacky now that I'm typing this. So the baby arrived and we opened the box in great anticipation of seeing our little girl. . .and in the box was a sweet, little, baby boy! We were a little taken off guard but we quickly adjusted to the idea. We were just so excited to finally have our little one! We dressed him and walked across the street to my parents to unveil our surprising, new bundle of joy. Nobody seemed to care that is was a boy and not a girl.
And then, of course, I got up to visit the loo, right on schedule at 2am. When I fell back asleep, I had another dream. This time we had a little girl. She was an infant but was acting like an older girl (probably 6 or 7 years old) complete with an attitude and all! It was obvious that she didn't like us. She was distant and didn't really take to us. Keep in mind, she was about the size of a 9 month old but was acting like a snotty 6 year old. It was the oddest feeling. I felt so rejected and unsettled that my baby girl didn't want me.
As I sit here typing, I'm analyzing a bit. I'm sure the first dream had something to do with the fact that my friend Sarah was going in today to possibly find out what she is having. They are hoping for a boy. So I had boys on the brain. I'm not completely sure what the mail delivery was all about. . .except the fact that Dave and I have ordered a lot of things online lately so it seems we are always waiting for a package on our front door step. Isn't it funny how our minds mash every little thing together through our dreams?
And I'm sure my second dream had a bit to do with my apprehension of becoming a mom. Not that I am afraid of motherhood - I'm really quite excited. The dynamics are just so unknown. I won't know what my relationship will be like with my daughter until I am in it. Although I can assure you that Dave and I will be nipping the attitude in the bud!
I'm sure I can expect many more wacky dreams before she arrives. I can't really blame the pregnancy hormones since I've always had crazy dreams. But I can say pregnancy seems to be making the dreams more vivid. At least I can look forward to giving Dave a nice laugh every other morning! And someday, I'll have a lot of fun telling her all the visions mommy had while she was in my tummy.
Last night I had two separate dreams about the baby. They weren't completely wacky, just really random. It makes me wonder if this is a result of raging pregnancy hormones or subtle, subconscious concerns about having a child. I'll let you be the judge.
In the first dream, the baby was coming. . .but it was being delivered to us. I am not kidding. In a box, sent to the front door and everything. Apparently, the baby needed some special procedure done to it so they prepared it to be shipped (complete with some sort of adjustment that allowed it to survive in a box, in the mail) and sent it to our home. OK, so maybe the dreams were a little more wacky now that I'm typing this. So the baby arrived and we opened the box in great anticipation of seeing our little girl. . .and in the box was a sweet, little, baby boy! We were a little taken off guard but we quickly adjusted to the idea. We were just so excited to finally have our little one! We dressed him and walked across the street to my parents to unveil our surprising, new bundle of joy. Nobody seemed to care that is was a boy and not a girl.
And then, of course, I got up to visit the loo, right on schedule at 2am. When I fell back asleep, I had another dream. This time we had a little girl. She was an infant but was acting like an older girl (probably 6 or 7 years old) complete with an attitude and all! It was obvious that she didn't like us. She was distant and didn't really take to us. Keep in mind, she was about the size of a 9 month old but was acting like a snotty 6 year old. It was the oddest feeling. I felt so rejected and unsettled that my baby girl didn't want me.
As I sit here typing, I'm analyzing a bit. I'm sure the first dream had something to do with the fact that my friend Sarah was going in today to possibly find out what she is having. They are hoping for a boy. So I had boys on the brain. I'm not completely sure what the mail delivery was all about. . .except the fact that Dave and I have ordered a lot of things online lately so it seems we are always waiting for a package on our front door step. Isn't it funny how our minds mash every little thing together through our dreams?
And I'm sure my second dream had a bit to do with my apprehension of becoming a mom. Not that I am afraid of motherhood - I'm really quite excited. The dynamics are just so unknown. I won't know what my relationship will be like with my daughter until I am in it. Although I can assure you that Dave and I will be nipping the attitude in the bud!
I'm sure I can expect many more wacky dreams before she arrives. I can't really blame the pregnancy hormones since I've always had crazy dreams. But I can say pregnancy seems to be making the dreams more vivid. At least I can look forward to giving Dave a nice laugh every other morning! And someday, I'll have a lot of fun telling her all the visions mommy had while she was in my tummy.
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