I just put Hope down for a nap. She was a bit resistant this morning. Perhaps it's because she fell back asleep after waking at 6am and slept until 7:45! Happy Thanksgiving to mommy and daddy, we got to sleep in!
As I was rocking her in my arms (something I don't normally do however NOT getting a good nap is NOT an option this morning as the holiday festivities await us) I was getting a little frustrated with her inability to settle down. For a minute, I thought it could be a wonderful Thanksgiving moment where I rocked her and she drifted off to sleep while I pondered how thankful we are for our little miracle. The moment quickly fizzled as she squirmed and I worked hard to contain my frustration.
I went ahead and put her down in the bed even though she was still a bit wound up. She fussed for a minute or two as I headed back downstairs. I joined Dave on the living room floor, who was combing through the Thanksgiving paper trying to determine if there were any deals worth getting up for at the crack of dawn. I assure you, there are not any deals worth losing sleep over. But I'll save that for another post. Maybe tomorrow I'll address the craziness of Black Friday.
Five minutes later, I realized that Hope had drifted off. So first, I will testify that I am thankful for good naps! They are hit or miss in our house, but I'll take them when I can get them.
I realized this morning that although sweet moments are a wonderful setting for thankfulness to pour out of our hearts, we should not need them in order to see God's goodness in our lives. Dave and I have so much to be thankful for and no matter what is going on around me, I choose to focus on them today. . .this week. . .this holiday season.
We are thankful for each other (at least I can speak for myself), for our sweet, perfect little girl, for our health and God's provision in our lives, for our families - many of whom live so close (praise God!) and for so many amazing friends. The list could go on and on.
So here I sit amidst a sea of papers filled with promises of deals and stuff that will make me happy despite my having to get up at 3am to obtain them. And I could care less about any of it. I have everything I need right here with me and for that I am so thankful!
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Corporate Mommy
Tonight is my first night away from Hope. I'm sitting in a hotel room typing this entry right about the time I would be home kissing her goodnight. I'm in Grand Rapids and she's at home and I'm doing surprisingly well with the whole thing. I'm sure that is because I will be home in less than 24 hours. Thank God the first trip was a short one.
It's funny because the whole "corporate mommy" thing was never a role I wanted to have. I suppose I thought I'd become a mom and then my career would slowly fizzle. I actually looked forward to that. Yet it seems the longer I wear the badge, the more permanent it seems to become. Right now I feel completely caught in the middle of career momentum and a desire to abandon it all. My bosses seem to think I can do anything (I am humbled by that fact) and keep tossing out options for new ventures and roles I could take on. All the while I keep thinking, I think I want off this crazy train. Shouldn't I want off this crazy train?
The truth is . . . some days I want off and some days I don't. Although I have some horribly stressful days filled with corporate politics and client drama, for the most part my job is enjoyable and I can see how the Lord is using it to prepare me for what's next. Yet the more ideas my bosses come up with, the harder it is to balance work and home life. I think I can be a great literary agent and an OK wife and mother and friend. Or I could be an OK literary agent and a great wife and mother and friend. I'm just not sure it's possible to be a great literary agent, a great wife, a great mother and a great friend. I realize I don't need to be perfect at everything but I'm one of those people who tends to believe if you can't be excellent at it, then why do it?
I don't feel like this is a season of great stress or deep confusion. I am simply keeping a spirit of evaluation as I journey through "corporate mommyhood." I pray He'll honor the fact that I am willing to give it all up at a second's notice if it overshadows my most important roles in life. Yet I am willing to give and to serve and to lean on Him for the strength to do so as long as He has me doing so.
Lord show me when it's time to get off this crazy train. And until then, I know your grace abounds.
It's funny because the whole "corporate mommy" thing was never a role I wanted to have. I suppose I thought I'd become a mom and then my career would slowly fizzle. I actually looked forward to that. Yet it seems the longer I wear the badge, the more permanent it seems to become. Right now I feel completely caught in the middle of career momentum and a desire to abandon it all. My bosses seem to think I can do anything (I am humbled by that fact) and keep tossing out options for new ventures and roles I could take on. All the while I keep thinking, I think I want off this crazy train. Shouldn't I want off this crazy train?
The truth is . . . some days I want off and some days I don't. Although I have some horribly stressful days filled with corporate politics and client drama, for the most part my job is enjoyable and I can see how the Lord is using it to prepare me for what's next. Yet the more ideas my bosses come up with, the harder it is to balance work and home life. I think I can be a great literary agent and an OK wife and mother and friend. Or I could be an OK literary agent and a great wife and mother and friend. I'm just not sure it's possible to be a great literary agent, a great wife, a great mother and a great friend. I realize I don't need to be perfect at everything but I'm one of those people who tends to believe if you can't be excellent at it, then why do it?
I don't feel like this is a season of great stress or deep confusion. I am simply keeping a spirit of evaluation as I journey through "corporate mommyhood." I pray He'll honor the fact that I am willing to give it all up at a second's notice if it overshadows my most important roles in life. Yet I am willing to give and to serve and to lean on Him for the strength to do so as long as He has me doing so.
Lord show me when it's time to get off this crazy train. And until then, I know your grace abounds.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
FightFoca.com
This month we are all knee-deep in politics. Election. Election results. Victory speeches. Party agendas. The White House transition. It's enough to make you sick. I sat in bed the night of President elect Obama's victory speech and I wanted to throw up. I assure you this is not my attempt to raise my voice against our new Commander in Chief. I think I would be feeling the same way if McCain had given that speech. It struck me as pathetic that after all the mud slinging and dirt digging that both of these men stood on the podium that night praising one another. What a load of shit (sorry mom, there's no other word to describe it).
After I put my personal response to their meaningless speeches aside, I decided that the God I serve is sovereign and I believe He places people in leadership. So although I do not understand His method, I trust His heart. My pastor shared on Sunday that we need to respect the fact that Obama is our new president and pray hard for him to have the wisdom he needs to lead this country. He even pointed out that while Obama might be considered "inexperienced" for the task, he didn't know one person whose resume would qualify them to be the leader of the free world. I agree wholeheartedly with these thoughts and I am asking the Lord to give me peace in my heart and a sharp mind that remembers daily to lift up this country and its new leader.
With that said, there is just one issue I cannot settle in my heart. A few weeks ago you might have heard me saying that I'm not a one issue voter, that I wouldn't vote on the issues but rather character because I don't believe the issues can be fought through political means. While my boss touted his strong views on abortion and it being the only thing that matters in selecting the next president, I stood my ground believing it didn't matter what the president thought because he couldn't change someone's heart on the issue. "Abortion is a heart issue", I would say. "Even if abortion is illegal, women will still find a way to do it if they wanted. We have to change their hearts, not the law."
Today I received an email about the Freedom of Choice Act. The email led me to a website http://www.fightfoca.com/ where I could sign a petition against this legislation that Obama is promising to pass. While visiting the site to sign the petition I watched a video of Obama and his promise to make the passing of this act "the first thing he does as President." Now, I work in the entertainment industry so I am well aware of the miracle of video editing and how it can make something sound. So I'm not completely naive to think that Obama meant his little Planned Parenthood speech the way it came across. Yet although I watched with mixed feelings of cynacism and sadness, I was mostly grieved by the fact that such a law has even a fighting chance of becoming a reality. The video showed a young woman asking about a woman's rights and how he would secure those rights. This of course is when he raised his voice in true democratic fashion declaring that he would pass this act as President. All I could think was, What's with this woman? She planning to get knocked up? Why is it so important to HER to be able to terminate a pregnancy? It just struck me as odd that the right to choose would mean so much to a woman who would likely not ever need to choose.
So I have to ask the question - do any of us really know what we are fighting for? I think we get so caught up in the fight that many times we forget what we are fighting for. These women who fight for their right to choose simply want the
freedom to "fix" their mistakes or save themselves if ever faced with the choice of their life or their unborn child's. I realize there are cases where abortion could mean saving a mother's life but I know those cases are so rare and thus do not believe they deem this legislation across the board. I suppose being someone of faith it's easy for me to say He is sovereign and we shouldn't mess with His plan no matter how horrible it may seem. Still, I know what I am fighting for. To me, it's not about the circumstances surrounding the situation. Mistake or not. Rape or not. Risk or not. You either believe it's a life or you don't. Period. And the hard truth is, it is a life and we must behave accordingly.
I think I was very wrong about voting on the issues. I actually did end up voting in favor of the right to life but that was not my reasoning behind it. I voted on character and my gut feeling yet I didn't win. He didn't win. But although I am grieved by what could be a horrible reality for millions of innocent babies, I know He is still on the throne and nothing comes as a surprise to Him. Still, I am now compelled to make this issue an even greater matter of prayer. If we are going to fight, then our best strategy is to fight in intercession for our leaders to have wisdom and revelation of the truth.
After I put my personal response to their meaningless speeches aside, I decided that the God I serve is sovereign and I believe He places people in leadership. So although I do not understand His method, I trust His heart. My pastor shared on Sunday that we need to respect the fact that Obama is our new president and pray hard for him to have the wisdom he needs to lead this country. He even pointed out that while Obama might be considered "inexperienced" for the task, he didn't know one person whose resume would qualify them to be the leader of the free world. I agree wholeheartedly with these thoughts and I am asking the Lord to give me peace in my heart and a sharp mind that remembers daily to lift up this country and its new leader.
With that said, there is just one issue I cannot settle in my heart. A few weeks ago you might have heard me saying that I'm not a one issue voter, that I wouldn't vote on the issues but rather character because I don't believe the issues can be fought through political means. While my boss touted his strong views on abortion and it being the only thing that matters in selecting the next president, I stood my ground believing it didn't matter what the president thought because he couldn't change someone's heart on the issue. "Abortion is a heart issue", I would say. "Even if abortion is illegal, women will still find a way to do it if they wanted. We have to change their hearts, not the law."
Today I received an email about the Freedom of Choice Act. The email led me to a website http://www.fightfoca.com/ where I could sign a petition against this legislation that Obama is promising to pass. While visiting the site to sign the petition I watched a video of Obama and his promise to make the passing of this act "the first thing he does as President." Now, I work in the entertainment industry so I am well aware of the miracle of video editing and how it can make something sound. So I'm not completely naive to think that Obama meant his little Planned Parenthood speech the way it came across. Yet although I watched with mixed feelings of cynacism and sadness, I was mostly grieved by the fact that such a law has even a fighting chance of becoming a reality. The video showed a young woman asking about a woman's rights and how he would secure those rights. This of course is when he raised his voice in true democratic fashion declaring that he would pass this act as President. All I could think was, What's with this woman? She planning to get knocked up? Why is it so important to HER to be able to terminate a pregnancy? It just struck me as odd that the right to choose would mean so much to a woman who would likely not ever need to choose.
So I have to ask the question - do any of us really know what we are fighting for? I think we get so caught up in the fight that many times we forget what we are fighting for. These women who fight for their right to choose simply want the
freedom to "fix" their mistakes or save themselves if ever faced with the choice of their life or their unborn child's. I realize there are cases where abortion could mean saving a mother's life but I know those cases are so rare and thus do not believe they deem this legislation across the board. I suppose being someone of faith it's easy for me to say He is sovereign and we shouldn't mess with His plan no matter how horrible it may seem. Still, I know what I am fighting for. To me, it's not about the circumstances surrounding the situation. Mistake or not. Rape or not. Risk or not. You either believe it's a life or you don't. Period. And the hard truth is, it is a life and we must behave accordingly.
I think I was very wrong about voting on the issues. I actually did end up voting in favor of the right to life but that was not my reasoning behind it. I voted on character and my gut feeling yet I didn't win. He didn't win. But although I am grieved by what could be a horrible reality for millions of innocent babies, I know He is still on the throne and nothing comes as a surprise to Him. Still, I am now compelled to make this issue an even greater matter of prayer. If we are going to fight, then our best strategy is to fight in intercession for our leaders to have wisdom and revelation of the truth.
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