Working Mommy Lesson #2

Who knew the lessons would come so frequently. . .

This week I am pondering another working mommy lesson. Hang with me here as I process a bit as I write.

Working Mommy Lesson #2: As working mommies, it's OK live a compartmentalized life.

My pastor talks a lot about living a "fully-integrated life". He encourages that our Sunday morning worship should bleed into our mid-week life. . .that the way we serve at home should show up in our workplace and so on and so forth. I am absolutely on board with this belief. The only way to truly live as Christ is to be the same everyday of our lives. There is nothing worse than a Christian who does not carry the same heart with them on Tuesday as they do on Sunday. Actually, it's pretty pathetic.

I guess at some point though, I adapted the belief that living a fully-integrated life meant that I carried work home with me, that I let it invade my head and my emotions when I should otherwise be focusing elsewhere. I suppose I've thought that fully-integrated went both ways. If my worship and the person that I am should bleed into my work, then the visa verse should be as well. Although this seems to be the right notion, I think I'm missing something here.

I believe this is true for all of us, most of all working mommies. While we need our worship and our love to show up in every area of our lives, we do not need our work pressure or our work stress to show up there as well. I got in my car this evening burdened by a silly little thing that happened at work. It was so small and trivial and yet I let it eat away at me. Then it dawned on me that I needed to leave it there, in the parking lot. If I so choose, I could pick it back up there in the parking lot tomorrow but perhaps by then I will have forgotten all about it. Each and every night as I leave my role as a manager I need to close that compartment of my life until I open it back up again the next day. With this job it seems almost impossible to do that but I have to at least try. When I carry those burdens home with me I am not helping anyone. On those rare occasions where that "thing" is truly a big deal, maybe I'll carry it home in a trusty little portable container and open it back up once Hope has gone to sleep. OK, maybe I've gone to far with the imagery here.

I guess what I'm trying to say is. . .it's OK to compartmentalize some things. I think we have to or we'll go mad. We need boundaries in life and sometimes those compartments are just that, offering us the opportunity to differentiate between what is important in the moment and what can wait.

I am committed to living a fully-integrated life when it comes to everything good and holy and pleasing to the Lord. But when it comes to those things He warns us against just as worry and stress and even fear of failure, you'd better believe my office is soon going to look like the Container Store.

Mark. Mag Sighting

Just when I was about to cancel my Lucky subscription because I'm not cool enough for the magazine, I was validated by the fact that they covered not one, not two, but three Mark products in the September issue. That's right . . . even I am on the cutting edge of beauty!

I think I'll still cancel my subscription. The outfits they put together in there are just too funky for me. Every time I flip through Lucky I am torn between my own personal style and the one I think I need to have to match the pages of the magazine. It's sheer torture!

Yet, still . . . I am glad to know I'm not totally behind the times. At least I can say I have that necklace they are calling a "fixation".



Don't forget to check out my Mark store: www.mymarkstore.com/jwolstenholm

I just got the Christmas preview in the mail today. There is some really cute stuff coming. Can't wait to share about it.

Working Mommy Lesson #1

This weekend I learned a very valuable working mommy lesson and I thought I should share it here. I'll share these lessons from time to time (as I learn them myself) and hopefully my doing so will save some other, poor, working mommy from having to learn them on her own.

Working Mommy Lesson #1: Business and Family Travel Don't Mix

While I am an advocate of the thought that business and family MUST be able to mix, I am now a proponent for travel as an exception to that rule.

This weekend I traveled to South Florida (where I grew up) to see the band I manage do a concert. It was the perfect scenario. Although my job was going to take me away for the weekend, I could bring Hope and visit my family. My parents even decided to come with me. How perfect! What could go wrong? My parents would be there to help me.

About an hour after we arrived at my grandma's house, Hope came down with a fever of 103.5 - a pretty dangerous level, even at her age. Despite many rounds of Motrin, Tylenol and a cool, damp cloth the fever hovered around 102.5 throughout the night and the next day. In addition to the fever, Hope began drooling like a Saint Bernard, soaking 2 shirts a day with gobs of saliva. She's never been a drooler so I was baffled by this mess. I figured she was teething but still. . . How much drool can a petite little girl make for 1 or 2 teeth? And what are the odds a toddler would cut several major teeth AND have a virus the very same weekend I chose to take her away with me for work?

Needless to say, I didn't make it to the show. I had to call my client and let them know that motherhood was calling and I would not be there to see them. Of course they understood, but I was horrified to not be able to follow through with my commitment to them. Even though my parents were there and graciously offered to watch their screaming granddaughter while I went to the concert, I could not bear the thought of leaving her or leaving them with her all night.

The weekend proved to be one of the most horrible of my life. Even though I had lots of help around me, I didn't have Dave (thank God for Dave) so I felt a bit alone. Not only did I feel guilty that Hope was feeling so badly and there was nothing I could do - I added to that the guilt of letting down a client because my primary role is as a mommy.

I know now that I should never have put myself, Hope or my client in the position where I'd have to choose like that. Of course I was going to choose Hope - no question about that. But I need to save myself from having to make decisions like this in regards to work vs. family. We have been thinking about another work/family trip this coming November but I am now very sure I need to take that one alone and save everyone the hassle. It's just not worth it (well maybe if work took me to Hawaii or something it would be worth it).

So, all of you working mommies out there. . .don't be tempted to bring your young child on a business trip, even if it's to Disney World. Perhaps at some point the benefits outweigh the risks, but not at 16 months. With a toddler, a virus is much more of a possibility than free, family fun!

Pray Without Ceasing?

In the most literal sense of the verse, my little Hope is grabbing hold of prayer before she even knows what it means. Every morning when I drop Hope off at mom and dad's we eat breakfast together, and we always pray before the meal. One morning we forgot to pray (gasp!) and mom made a big deal about it with Hope. Hope caught on quickly because she loves to fold her hands and pray before each meal.

A few days later, Dave and Hope and I had just sat down to dinner when all of a sudden she starts whining (almost yelling) to get our attention. I look over and she has her hands folded and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt she is saying, "Hey, we gotta pray Mommy. We gotta pray Daddy." And so we prayed. I think four times. We thanked Jesus for our food and for our family and as always we said, "Amen." (Which, when Hope says it, sounds like Emmie - her cousin's name).

Since then, I find Hope folding her hands and telling me we need to pray at all sorts of times of the day. The other day we prayed in the middle of reading a story and thanked Jesus for books. We prayed while mommy was going pee-pee in the potty and thanked Jesus for toilets (yes, thank you Jesus). And of course, we always pray at the end of the day and thank Jesus for getting us through it (and that Hope would sleep through the night).

I captured this shot the other day during one of those moments she wanted to pray. We were watching Imagination Movers at the time. Thank you Jesus for Playhouse Disney.

Who knew my little one would grab on to prayer this early in life? I realize she has no idea what it's really about yet - she just thinks it's fun to fold her hands and say Jesus. (Which, when Hope says it, sounds like Gigi - her grandma's name).

Perhaps we can take a few ques from my naive 16 month old. Praying should be fun, it should be exciting and it should come naturally to every one of us. God forgive me for not stopping to thank you for every little thing, every minute of every day.